Here’s my field report about Friday night (Oct 26) in Bellevue.

Tonight, some of the Lair guys and I hit Starlight, just as we had last week (I coudn’t remember the name of the bar in that post). But for me personally, this week was a heck of a lot better than last week. If any of you read my field report about hitting Starlight a week ago, you’ll recall that I did my best wallflower act and didn’t approach a single set.

This time, I knew a little better what to expect. Though it was still very hard at the beginning, I did end up getting a couple of number closes, so I felt like I got some good practice. I still had some problems that I felt were holding me back, and that I screwed up a bit in some places, so hopefully people can give me your thoughts on that.

12:50 am

I take a cab and get dropped off near Bellevue station, and just kind of get my bearings for a second. The very first thing I want to force myself to do is open a set. If I do that, I figure I’ll be at least a little warmed up and not be so paralyzed when I join up with the guys.

I see a couple of girls standing alone, and am very tempted to try opening them. But screw that, I tell myself, I have a big problem opening multiple-sets, not single sets. So I decide to force myself to open a two set, in order to push my comfort zone.

Not finding a 2 set readily available, I look around and see a group of 3 cute girls, an HB7, HB7.5, and HB8. They are standing around chatting but looking at the street–they look like they’re waiting for a friend. I walk over and stand next to them, pretending to check my cell phone. I know I can’t stand there too long before I open them, or it will seem creepy. 3…2…1… GO! I turn just my head toward the HB8 and keep my feet pointing away. The girls are chatting away.

“Is tonight ‘All Club Night?’” I ask the HB8. Now here’s the funny part. I’m mentally screaming at myself in my head at this point, “Lean back!! Lean back!! Lean back!!” I have a huge overwhelming tendency to lean forward, or “peck,” when I talk to strangers. I successfully keep my posture relaxed and leaning away from the group. I’m kind of almost looking down my nose at them, and I struggle to keep a nonchalant, yet inquisitive look on my face.

The 3 girls stop talking and all eyes lock on me. HB8 looks just a bit surprised but she answers me quickly in the affirmative. I follow up with a question about where I can buy a ticket to get access to all the clubs in the area (it’s a special deal in Smalltown that happens about once every 6 weeks or so).

HB8 says I can buy the tickets at any participating venue, then she adds something I don’t understand, as I don’t quite hear it. I turn my feet and body toward the group now. I smile and tell I’m sorry but I can’t hear her as she’s speaking too softly. HB7.5 pipes up and explains again where to buy the tickets.  (Meanwhile, HB7 won’t look at me anymore and looks sullen, like she doesn’t like me. I briefly chastise mentally myself for not opening the least attractive girl, the obstacle, and opening HB8 instead. But I plow forward.) I bust HB7.5 on her explanation, and get all three girls laughing finally.

I feel like they’re more receptive to me now. I ask them how my outfit looks, and they unanimously agree that it looks good (too much self-qualifying perhaps?). I tell them a short little story about how hard it was for me in Smalltown at the beginning when I first moved here because I didn’t know anyone, but how I made great friends over time. They seem impressed and say it’s cool that I was able to establish myself in the city without knowing anyone beforehand.

And now something funny: a completely random dude wearing a baseball cap (he must be an AFC) comes over at this point and stands next to me, listening in on our conversation and staring at the three girls. I have no idea what he wants.

Then HB7.5 says she wants to ask me some questions and we banter back and forth for a bit. HB8 is amused, and HB7 seems to want to get in on the conversation finally, adding some comments in such as “I should have studied more in school,” and she seems to warm up to me a bit.

I almost don’t listen to what HB7.5 is saying though, because I am again screaming at myself in my mind, “Lean back!! Lean back!” I still feel the overwhelming urge to lean goddam forward when I talk to the girls. Why?? I don’t know but the temptation is extremely strong. I force myself to walk up to a low wall nearby and put my back to it, spreading my elbows out on top of the wall so I am now leaning back against the wall in a relaxed posture with no way to peck as I talk to the girls.

I ask them if they are college students, which is just a guess, but it turns out I’m right. Now I’m doing the math in my head, and I figure I’m probably about 12 years older than these girls, and it throws my frame slightly, cuz I think they might think I’m a “dirty old mani” if they realize my age (thankfully I can pass for about 25 on a good day).

I try to guess what university they go to, and we talk about college for a while, but my momentum has slowed. Finally, I’m basically only talking to HB7.5, and the other two are exchanging complaints about the friend they are waiting for.

Side note: the random dude in the hat is still standing nearby, facing the girls and listening to us speak. He hasn’t said a word yet though. I have no idea what he’s doing or what he wants.

After a lull in the conversation, I don’t know how I can revive it. Finally, the girls are back in their own little conversation. I decide to eject. I call out to them cheerfully, “Have a good time!” and they enthusiastically wish me the same.  The random guy is still nearby. Maybe he’ll try his luck next; I have no idea.

I start walking toward the center of Bellevue. I now give RedCloud a call and he tells me he’s at Starlight with the guys. I get a bit apprehensive because it was so hard there last week. I start heading over.

1:10 am

I almost pass by Starlight because I forgot where it is exactly. I finally see the bouncer standing at the top of the Starlight steps. “Is this Starlight?” I ask him, but he’s like “What?” I ask him again but he seems dazed or something, so I ignore him. But I see the Starlight sign and know I’m at the right place.  I walk down the steps and enter the bar.

I have read a lot of RedCloud’s field reports, and he always says you should enter a bar like you own the place. I’m nervous though, and it shows. I try to look confident and take up a lot of space with my posture and body language, but I don’t have the energy to muster up a smile. I look around the bar but can’t find the Lair guys. As if pulled by some irresistible urge, I start moving toward the bar.

Finally, I see RedCloud sitting at a table next to a petite short girl, I’ll call her HBshort from now on. I change course from the bar and start heading over to him. I then see WizardOfSnog sitting across the table from him. I’m glad to see people I know, but I don’t know what the rules are for walking up to friends who are in set.

I just go up and check in with WizardOfSnog, then greet RedCloud. RedCloud tries to introduce me to HBshort, but she just keeps hanging on his words and doesn’t even look up. He tries again in a bit, and she finally acknowledges me. I ask if PrivateD’s here, but RedCloud says he’s not, which is too bad because I get inspired by PrivateD’s super positive attitude.

At this point, I’m not sure what to do so I head back to the bar. I don’t want to just stand there doing nothing, so I figure I might as well get something to drink. I walk up to the menu that’s pasted to the bar top, and there is a girl looking at the menu as well. I walk up right beside her and look down at the menu… she turns her head and glances at me. Should I open her? I’m not sure… the timing seems wrong, and I don’t want to get shot down in front of the people waiting for their drinks. So I just order a beer.

Once I get my beer, I turn and survey the crowd. I have a sinking feeling I’m going to go back into my wallflower routine for the second week in a row. I have no idea if I should try to open people nearby me or what. I see a couple of girls, HBwhite and HBblack, dancing at the head of the table where RedCloud and WizardOfSnog are sitting. I think HBblack is cute, and I wonder if I should step up beside her and just open her. I keep thinking it’s inappropriate though, and don’t want to get shot down in front of people watching.

Finally, after a minute of standing there in limbo, I head on back over to where WizardOfSnog and RedCloud were. In a bit, WizardOfSnog asks me to watch his seat while he checks on something, and RedCloud has disappeared, so I just stand there near the seat with my beer in hand.

There is a black dude sitting alone across the table right in front of me, looking down at his drink. As I’m standing there, I sense HBblack come and sit down right next to me, and her friend HBwhite sits across from her.

I feel myself in a dilemma. Should I open HBblack? Should I open the black guy? Should I just sit and drink for a while first?

I quickly realize I will look like an antisocial idiot by continuing to stand there not talking to anyone, so I decide I must open somebody. I’m very strongly tempted to open HBblack, because she is a cute girl and it feels good to talk to cute girls, but something stops me. I keep remembering RedCloud mention in his field reports and in person that we must open guys to put the girls at ease. I go ahead and open the black guy.

I have my back to HBblack, and I actually sense her behind me the whole time as I talk to the black guy and just ignore her. It turns out the guy is from Belgium, and he’s a truly cool dude. I have fun talking to him and I’m glad I opened him. He even speaks great English, even though he’s only studied English formally for a couple months. I tell him he’s a language genius, and we are just joking and laughing a lot.

I sense HBblack and HBwhite observing the interaction, but I deliberately continue to ignore them. The black guy is here with his other guy friend, who is standing behind him, so I ask the black guy to introduce me to his friend. I figure this makes me look social and outgoing to the girls, because it shows I simply like to meet people, guys or girls. I sit down at the table and continue to chit chat with the black guy for a couple minutes. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m “tooling” him or “pawning” him by turning to the girls too quickly.

Finally, when our conversation has died down a bit, I decide it’s time to open HBblack. I turn to her smoothly, don’t hesitate and just pull the trigger by asking her “Where are you from?” She seems just a tad surprised, but receptive. “Here!” Shes exclaims. “I’m from Smalltown!”

“What brought you out here tonight?” I ask her. She says there was no reason in particular. I ask her if she’s ever been to L.A. or the West Coast, and she says no. I compliment the way she speaks, and she seems to brighten up a bit at that. I ask her to introduce me to her friend. She does, but HBwhite is quite unresponsive. “She is shy,” I tell HBblack, but she replies that HBwhite just acts like that.

NOTE: is it okay to peck, or lean in, when talking at a loud bar? Sometimes I would lean in to speak directly into HBblack’s ear, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to hear me at all.

I ask for their names. I then give them my name (I am not supposed to do this right? I’m supposed to wait until they ask me my name first…which is an IOI right? I think this was a mistake).

I turn my attention back to the black guy for a second, ignoring the girls again. He raises his eyebrows at me and gives me a look like he’s impressed, like saying “Good job guy!”  I decide to introduce him to the girls, to make me look social and alpha, and also so he can take HBwhite off my hands, which works to perfection.

The four of us are now engaged, with me able to focus almost solely on HBblack. I realize a couple things here though:

1)   I have no idea how to raise HBblack’s attraction level toward me. I tend to immediately start building comfort and trust, making her feel comfortable, making me appear to be a sweet harmless non-threatening guy. I don’t know how to tap into her emotions. We talk about mundane stuff for the most part, although I try to keep her smiling or laughing.

2)   I have no idea how to initiate kino. The only thing I’m able to do is give her a high five when she says something I like (thanks for that RedCloud).  She is touching my arm regularly after a bit, but for some reason (maybe the AFC gentleman in me) I feel it’s wrong to touch her in return. I really need help transitioning into kino naturally… maybe a palm reading routine or something?? Help guys.

The conversation ebbs and flows. When there’s a lull between us, I turn my attention back to the black guy, or his guy buddy, who has sat down now. I honestly enjoy chatting with the guys–they are cool (I think I now just like meeting new people in general)–and I want to show HBblack that I’m not hanging on her every word. I ignore her every so often by not acknowledging her presence and talking with the guys instead. Each time I do that, she eventually re-engages me, or is very receptive when I re-engage her. I want to give her the vibe that I don’t care even if she leaves, because I don’t need her at all.

The girls ask me if I came with the black guy and his buddy, but I tell them I just met them. This seems to surprise the girls a bit, but also prove to them that I am simply a social person, because I am meeting new guys as well as new girls (I’m getting all this social theory from RedCloud).

At some points, all five of us are just vibing and having a good time, and the buddy starts teasing the girls a lot, which they seem to enjoy. We talk about birth signs, and we try to guess each other’s signs (this is apparently a big deal in Smalltown). HBblack guesses I’m a Leo, which is a good sign, because Leo’s are very outgoing and friendly (I’m actually a Cancer, but that doesn’t seem to disappoint her).

WizardOfSnog comes by and I introduce him to the girls as my cool friend, which I think gives me even more social proof to them. WizardOfSnog engages the girls for a bit, which is good because I’m running out of stuff to talk to them about.  HBblack seems to like him a lot; WizardOfSnog definitely has got a way with women. At this point I don’t even care if WizardOfSnog starts sarging her, but at one point he tells me “It’s your set.” Ah, wingman rules? I gotta clarify how all this set management works.

WizardOfSnog spurs some more topic of conversation between me and HBblack by finding out some more stuff about her, like the fact that she designs jewelry.  I honestly find that pretty fascinating, so we talk more about that. WizardOfSnog comes in and out of the conversation, building me up. He even makes her promise that she will find out something special about me that even WizardOfSnog doesn’t know, planting the notion in her head that she will have to see me again in the future in order to find out that something (Thanks WizardOfSnog! That was awesome).

At one point, I’m just chatting with HBblack about her jewelry designs, and she tells me “I’ll show you some designs sometime.” So I’m thinking she has just made it known through a hint that she wants to see me again in the future.

She begins kinoing me more, like each time I say something funny she’ll playfully hit my arm. I don’t know how to reciprocate though!!! Why do I feel kind of sleazy when I try to make a move to kino her in return? I feel like she will think I’m a creep. How do I overcome this?

One point where the conversation turned a bit weird was when she started talking about her ex-boyfriend. She said he was her first boyfriend and also her first love, and that he had broke up with her and moved to LA, shattering her heart. She said she had cried every single night for 6 months. I asked her if she was okay now and she said yes, the breakup occurred when she was 21. I figured that was a long time ago. But then she added that the breakup occurred one year ago.

This affected my state for a couple of reasons. One, I realized she is a truly sweet girl and probably looking for a boyfriend (I am not looking for a girlfriend at the moment) and that I would feel guilty if even a kiss happened between us, because I don’t want to hurt her in any way, especially after hearing about her 6 month ordeal. Two, I realized that there is a very large age gap between us (over 10 years), but she had no idea (I tend to look pretty young, like 25-ish, in a dim environment). It’s a limiting belief that age matters, I know. But it still affected my state at the time.

I moved the conversation to other subjects at this point. But I realize soon that I’ve exhausted many boring topics, like her work, her studies, her hobbies, and her brothers and sisters, etc. I need to be able to get her emotional, use “chick topics” as RedCloud put it, but I don’t know what to talk about. Is this the time I bust out things like “the Cube”… can something explain to me how the Cube works?

Eventually HBblack says she has to leave. I want to get her number so I just tell her point blank, “Let’s meet up again sometime.” She smiles and nods, so I get out my cellphone. “Give me your number,” I tell her, and I begin typing in her name in my phone, but I accidentally spell it completely wrong. She yelps indignantly and grabs my phone out of my hand and punches in the correct name, lol.

In the past, I would have felt bad about getting a girl’s name wrong like that before, and felt like I needed to apologize,  but now it doesn’t even phase me and I say nothing apologetic.

But as I go to save her number, I accidentally press “Cancel” and erase her number. She is packing up her belongings and getting ready to leave now, so I feel a moment of angst, but I stay very cool. “It didn’t save correctly” I tell her calmly. “Give me your number again.” She takes my phone wordlessly and simply punches in her number again. This time I make sure to save it correctly.

I don’t know if I should have done this next part, but I take my phone and immediately hand it over to the guy buddy I met and tell him to punch in his number, very obviously so HBblack can see. I want to show HBblack that she is just another person I met that night, and she’s not so special because I asked for her number. I’m thinking now that maybe this was unnecessary, and I could’ve waited till she left to get the guys’ numbers.

Meanwhile, the black guy gets the phone numbers of both HBwhite and HBblack. I don’t feel great that he took HBblack’s number, but there’s nothing I can do about it at this point.

HBblack finally has all her belongings in order and she starts heading out. I tell her I’ll call her sometime, to which she nods. I add that I will call her sometime during the weekend, to set a definite timeframe for her to expect my call (Should I not have done this?).

RedCloud comes passing by at this point, and I whisper in his ear that I got my first bar number close, and that I didn’t really know what I was doing. He congratulates me and then turns to HBblack, touches her arm and tells her that I’m a great guy to social proof me (thanks man!) But she is kind of startled cuz she has no idea who he is, so I have to tell her that he’s my buddy, after which she relaxes.

Now here’s another funny part. As she starts leaving, I want to do some kind of kino to say goodbye. So I kind of move toward her with my right hand extended. She is reaching out to shake my hand, but then I suddenly switch my arm into a kind of awkward, one-arm-over-the-shoulder hug, kind of like a hug a guy would give another guy. She seems a bit taken aback by my awkward goodbye. I wasn’t really thinking or planning it, it just happened. How do you guys think I could have handled the goodbye better??

So now, I don’t know if I should call her because I don’t want something to happen between us that will end up hurting her and making me feel guilty, nor do I want to fall into another LTR trap (which I always seem to do). However, I do want to call her to practice phone game, day2’s, etc though.  So I’m not sure. I realized I want to meet a sexy, bad girl who knows she’s a bad girl and will have no regrets, so I can practice my game without any guilt. Lol.

After the girls leave, I get the black guy’s number and we all promise we’ll go party together again sometime. After a while, he and his buddy take off. Just sitting there alone and not talking to anyone now, I force myself to relax and just observe my surroundings. I realize there are a hell of a lot of wallflowers just standing around alone or sitting at a table, holding a drink in their hands and not talking to anybody. I hadn’t noticed that last week.

As I look around the room trying to look as relaxed and “alpha” as possible, I catch three different girls looking at me. Each one quickly drops her eyes when I make eye contact. I’m wondering, are these IOI’s from these girls?

The thing is though, I don’t really see any girl in Starlight I think is truly hot. It’s only when I’m walking around outside in Bellevue that I see the truly sexy girls I really want to game. But it’s so hard to approach outside at night…why do I feel so sleazy when thinking about doing it? Anyway, back to the story.

WizardOfSnog comes back and sits next to me. He opens a couple of girls sitting across the table but they are quite unattractive to me and I’m not feeling it, even though one (wearing a red shirt) is quite friendly. Eventually WizardOfSnog opens and later venue changes HBshort, the same girl RedCloud was sitting next to at the beginning of the night, to the back of the bar.

Now here’s another thing that held me back, a sticking point I guess. I knew I should get up and start MOVING AROUND, and look for targets that truly interest me, instead of passively waiting and opening just the people who sit next to me. But I realize I am AFRAID of walking around the bar because I don’t know what to do and who to talk to, and I think I’ll end up a wallflower again. How do I conjure up that magical energy to just go and open random guys and girls and just act like I own the place? It’s too difficult for me at this point. So I just sit in the safety of my little bar stool, knowing I should at least get up, stretch my legs, hit the dance floor for a minute, but it’s like my ass is glued to the chair.

Case in point, HBshort’s friend HBbookish eventually comes and sits right next to me, literally touching me with her back, and I eventually open her by tapping her on the shoulder, cuz I’m bored. She’s not my type at all, bookish and not physically attractive to me, but I vibe with her for practice. She’s very nice, a total good girl type, and we talk for over half an hour. She looks for her friend HBshort at one point, and I point her attention to the back of the bar, where WizardOfSnog is making out with HBshort on a couch. LOL! Good job WizardOfSnog. You are the man.

I thought about practicing kino, but again I felt sleazy whenever I thought about trying (a major sticking point eh?), so I basically refrained completely, except for high-fives. So we just talked about various chit-chat the whole time.

Now this may sound ridiculous, but at the end, I literally feel obligated to take her number, or else I will feel guilty for making her feel “unwanted.” I take it reluctantly, and plan not to call her, but then she looks disappointed that I didn’t double check the number, so I freaking dial her cellphone. And once she has my number, she makes me punch in my name. So now I’m afraid she’s going to call me at some point.

Next time, how do I leave a chick I’ve been practicing with, without taking down her number, and not feeling guilty for doing so? What a moronic question, huh? Maybe I’m just acting like a niceguy AFC again.

As I left though, I tried to leave with a cooler goodbye than a botched hug. I decide to kiss HBbookish on the cheek. I gather up my belongings and get ready to leave, and prepare for the kiss, and I almost wuss out on the kiss, cuz it seems like people are watching us (though no one is). Finally, I tell myself “screw it, just do it,” say goodbye, lean in close and kiss her on the cheek. She accepts it readily, and I feel like it was a pretty cool way to end things. Maybe it’s completely AFC to kiss a girl’s cheek, I dunno, but it was something new for me! Lol.

The moment I walked outside, I saw a bunch of hot, sexy, shapely, short-skirt wearing, leggy chicks walking around that I REALLY wanted, in contrast to the so-so girls in Starlight. But now, how to figure out how to approach them, especially if they are moving fast in the opposite direction… Hmm… Gotta work on figuring that out next…

Anyway, it was good going out again and getting some success, compared to last week’s fiasco. I feel like I got some really good practice tonight and I’m glad I came out, though I had been tempted to just stay home and put aside facing my fears for another time.